A few months back I wrote a post about a transformative experience I had attending a ballet class again for the first time in many years. I talked about how good it felt to be back at the barre and to be jumping and dancing again. I shared how freeing it felt to be there just to BE there. All of that is still true. There is more to it now though. The truth? I have not been back since I wrote that post.
I can give you a million excuses why I haven’t been back, but if I’m honest I haven’t been back because it feels like TOO MUCH. Becoming a new mom has been so fulfilling and amazing. It has also been super overwhelming and exhausting. When I do have some free time to myself I don’t necessarily want to dance. Sometimes I just want to nap. Or write. Or watch mindless TV. Sometimes I’ll do some yoga at home. Occasionally I’ll attend a yoga class. A lot of times I’ll just chill out on the couch with Romeo. All of these usually feel like better options than mustering up the energy to go to a ballet class again.
Sometimes I feel crappy for not being motivated to “do more” in my (limited) free time. Then I try to remind myself that I am doing my best and that’s all I can do. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.
For what it’s worth, when I’m feeling inspired I do dance in my living room! I dance to a good song while holding Emily. Or I do some ballet moves with her watching and clapping. She is the best audience I’ve ever had.
Maybe that is good enough for now?