Plans Have Changed 

I had big plans today. I booked a babysitter for three hours and was going to meet a good friend for lunch in the west village. We were going to have delicious fish tacos and guacamole. I was going to wear “normal” clothes- jeans and a nice-ish shirt. I was going to put on some make up and maybe do my hair. I was going to be “put together” today.

I’m not.

Instead I am frazzled and tired. I’m wearing my most comfortable maternity sweats and an old sweatshirt, my hair in a messy bun. There’s no make up on my face. I look how I feel- exhausted. 

My sweet Emily has a cold and was up every half hour until 1am last night. She’s been coughing and I want to bring her to the doctor to have it checked out. This is the first time she’s gotten sick. I canceled my sitter and lunch to take care of my girl. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here. 

Before becoming a mom I had a vision of the kind of mom I would be. I wouldn’t cancel on people and become “flakey.” I would look and feel “put-together”. I would take time for myself often. 

How easy it is to think these things before having a baby. And how easy it is to realize I could never have known what kind of mom I’d be until I became one. And how easy it is to know with all my being that my daughter will always come first. Always.

Self-care is a buzz word lately and I agree it’s so important. But when you’re a parent it’s not always going to happen even if you make your best effort to carve out the time. My baby comes first before my ability to be “put-together”.

She’s napping now and I’m laying in bed. It would be great to also sleep a bit, but despite my exhaustion my brain won’t shut off. Instead I write here and think about how lucky I am to have such a beautiful daughter. 

I’ll have plenty of lunches out when she’s grown. This time now is fleeting and I know I’ll look back at these precious days when my baby was small and times were simpler. I’ll say, “I’m so glad I stayed home with her that day.”

3 thoughts on “Plans Have Changed 

  1. Trust me, when she’s around 7 or 8, She will become way more independent. Once she’s 9, she’ll be more ready to enter the world than you want her to be. You’ll turn into her personal chaffeur driver to all her friends and events! I sometime beg my older kids for family time. Enjoy, it go’s quick!😉

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  2. What I was thinking, HomemakersUnited already said 🙂 There will be time later for the dates and coffees. But now is the time for kids. Sick kids are tougher. You just want to do whatever you can to make them unsick.

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