Love Lives On

Even though it was a beautiful day, it was very hard not having my Nanna around this year on Thanksgiving. She has always been the center of that day- quietly cooking the most delicious food and then watching us while we eat and asking, “It’s not good?”

Your food was ALWAYS good, Nanna.

My Aunt Mary Jane sent me home with two boxes full of photos from Nanna’s house. This weekend I opened the boxes and they smelled like Nonno and Nanna’s house. They were filled with so many memories. My heart felt full and it also sunk.

It really hit me that I will never be able to go back to their house and visit them. At the same time, I know their spirits live in me and each of my family members. The photo of me below in particular stuck out to me. How can this be me? I see lots of Emmy in this photo.

I guess love lives on and on through each generation, and all we can do is love with all of our heart for as long as we can. I love you Nanna. I love you Nonno. I hope you had a good meal together in Heaven on Thanksgiving.

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Nanna at my wedding in 2014
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Me circa 1986

Mommy and Me Yoga with a 9 Month Old

Practicing yoga is getting easier in some ways and harder in others! Emmy is more daring so when she climbs on me I have to stop to keep her safe.  She’s also more independent so I (sometimes) get time to move alone. We had a rough sleep night last night so I’m Exhausted with a capital E. This afternoon practice gave me the energy to keep on truckin’! Ill be honest- I don’t practice every day. Filming inspires me to practice. It makes it fun!

Five Tips for Walking Your Dog and Baby in the Cold

1. Bundle baby first. Put on her layers while on the changing table or else she will roll and wiggle over and over again trying to get away. Sing “skiddamarink” on repeat in order to distract her from the fact she is getting bundled up like a puffy snow man and won’t be able to move much.

2. Put on your dog’s coat. When he sees you grab it and tries to sneak away, hold tightly to his sides and slide the jacket on. Tell him, “trust me, you’ll thank me for this when you feel the air outside.”

3. Bundle yourself last. This is to avoid the excess heat while bundling above dependents. It’s hard enough getting them ready, no need to sweat and feel like you’re going to pass out on top of it.

4. Walk outside. When the wind is so cold and strong you can barely push the stroller the mantra “this too shall pass” is helpful. Then when you see that dude walking by in basketball shorts thank God you wore layers and aren’t that dumb.

5. Come back inside and reverse process. Take off your layers first, then the dogs and finally the baby’s. Distract yourself from the fact you have to repeat this same process in the afternoon.

 

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A Call To Action

I was nicknamed “Firecracker” in film school. It wasn’t a compliment.

I earned this name one day when I loudly voiced my opinion. “Easy there firecracker” a male student said.

Funny how I was a firecracker when all the men who loudly voiced their opinions were just “opinionated” or “strong personalities”.  I was a firecracker, and once even called a bitch, but those men because well, “that’s just the way they are” people would say.

Something about this election chaos and all the dirt it’s bringing to the surface made me think of this experience. It’s making me think of how silenced each of us can feel at times.

It seems to me that what feels like a giant shit storm of hate and misunderstanding and blame right now is actually a call to action for us all.

I’m not sure what this call to action means for me, and I think it means something different to each of us. It feels like something is stirring inside, and it’s something that’s always been there. It’s a fire that I’ve been pushing down again and again and again. I kept extinguishing because it’s not sweet and positive and calm. It’s loud and strong and intense.

It’s like a firecracker.

In the words of the wise Katy Perry, “you’re gonna hear me roar.”

Not sure how yet, but this feels like a start.

Look Around 

I woke up and made the mistake of checking my social media pages. I felt disheartened by what I saw and how divided we all seem. Then I took my dog out for a walk and breathed in the crisp morning air. I saw the fall colors and gentle sunlight shining through the trees and I thought, “it’s a beautiful f*cking day!”

Reflect Back

I am scared. I am sad. I am mostly frightened for my daughter’s future in this country. But I refuse to respond to this with hate and blame. Then I would be part of the problem.

I will sit with this heaviness. I won’t deny it’s there. I’ll listen to it and transform it and channel it for good. I will use it to spread LOVE because that is what we all need.

We have to reflect back and take a look at ourselves.

It’s in the small stuff. It’s how I treat myself, how I treat each person I interact with throughout the day. It’s how I model respect and equality to my daughter. Its how I show up for my friends and family. It’s knowing deeply in my heart that we are all human beings with our own opinions, struggles and pathways. And even if we don’t see things the same way our experiences and feelings are all valid because we were born.

These things may feel small but they’re not. If we each honor and respect each other on a small scale then maybe we can honor and respect each other in our nation and throughout the world.

In the meantime I’m going to hug my daughter tighter today and take in all her awe and love of the world because I’m finding it hard to find that on my own right now.

“Just a mom.”

I recently read a post where a woman said that being a stay at home mom meant playing with your children all day and not thinking about money. She also talked about about the importance of never giving up on your dreams.

Wait. What?

Since when did being a stay at home mom mean giving up on your dreams? And who said we play all day and don’t think about money? Hmmmm.. maybe Hollywood? I’m a bit perturbed by comments that paint a picture of stay at home moms as being less successful, less empowered women. It’s just not true.

I didn’t give up my dreams to stay home with my baby, I followed them.

My choice to stay home with Emily is a conscious one. I am aware that I am very lucky to be in the position to stay home, and am so grateful that it is an option for my family. I love being a mom. Being home with my daughter full time doesn’t make me less intelligent, less empowered, less successful. It actually fills me up in a way I’ve never been filled. And the whole idea that I just”play all day” is ludicrous! Being a stay at home mom is hard work.

All the moms out there- whether you work full time, part time or stay at home- I want you to know I respect and honor you. I know how hard you’re working and how hard it is to keep it all together. I know how much you give every day. Keep on doing what you do even when others don’t seem to get it. It doesn’t matter anyway.