I heard being a mom was exhausting but I never could have imagined the constant underlying tiredness that is always chasing me. Even after some sleep it’s still there. Today I found myself daydreaming about taking the worlds longest nap- just sleeping all day. Oh how amazing that would be! But now Emmy is taking a nap (praying it’s a long one!) and I’ve had my lunch and what do I do? I look at her picture.
Our Christmas tree has been up for a few weeks, and Emily isn’t over its beauty. In fact, she seems to appreciate it more and more each day.
She points to it and says, “Hi!” and “Oooh!” She looks at it whenever we say “Christmas tree.” She loves to look at each ornament and even loves the pine needles. She’s been persistent in her efforts to eat the pine needles so she is definitely keeping us on our toes!
Each night we say goodnight to the tree, and each morning we say good morning to it when she wakes up. It really is beautiful all lit up in the morning before the sun has come up. Even when I’m not quite ready for the day yet, I can appreciate it!
Today I was watching her look at the tree as if it was the first time she saw it, and I thought, wow. What if we lived that way as adults? What if we saw beauty every single day in the things that are always around us?
Then I realized there is a place I always look to in absolute awe. I never get over the feeling of consuming love, and it gets stronger every day. It’s when I look at Emily.
A good friend just had her baby girl last night, and she told me she can’t stop watching her sleep. It felt like an obsession. I told her that feeling never goes away.
This holiday season I am so grateful for the love I have for Emily. It’s a love that has me asking things everyday like- Where did you come from?? Who made you? Did I really grow you in my belly? How can you possibly be THIS cute??
It is a love of which I will forever be in awe.
If judgment were a texture it would be sticky. It would be like the oatmeal I give to Emily in the morning. I sometimes find some stuck on her cheek later in the day. I usually don’t even notice it’s there until I feel it, and then it takes a little effort to wipe it off. It does come off though.
Judgment is just like that pesky oatmeal!
This week I had a conversation with another mom. We have very different parenting styles and as I spoke to her I felt a twinge of judgment directed towards me. And, if I’m honest, I sent that twinge of judgement right back to her. I don’t think she agreed with what I said, and I certainly didn’t agree with what she said. We were polite and smiled and moved on.
That evening once Emily fell asleep and I had a moment to myself I noticed the lingering feeling of being judged. I doubted myself and my perspective. Then I sat with it for a while and noticed that yes, my perspective was different from hers, but it was right for me and for Emily.
There are so many ways to parent. Every mom is different. Every child is different. There is no way to fully understand the parenting choices of another, nor should I have to. All I can do is make the best decisions for myself, my daughter and my family- and when I notice some judgment stuck on me, I simply have to wipe it off and move on.
Today’s practice was a lot of fun! Emmy went into cow pose on her own, and I showed her how to do tree pose. She won’t keep her Santa hat on for long, but when she does it’s adorable. Counting down 13 days to baby’s first Christmas! I talked with Santa and it sounds like he has some exciting plans.
The tree is up, stockings are hung, and Christmas decorations are out. It’s so exciting to share this holiday season with Emily. Here is my first attempt at some Christmas Yoga. As you can see, Romeo took an interest too.