There I was at the gynecologist, feet up in stir ups with ten week old Ryan on my chest. I had finally gotten him to calm down after nursing him. My phone rang.
The doctor poked me with a needle again to numb me. “Can you feel this?”
“Yes!” I said while my whole body jolted. “I can STILL feel this.” This was the fifth or sixth attempt to numb me.
I answered the phone with one hand while holding my baby with the other. I had no choice- this was a new babysitter with my older daughter and I couldn’t let it go to voicemail.
“Hi. The AC guy is here asking where you keep your double A batteries.”
I am poked again by a needle and jolt again. This hurts so bad.
“They’re in the hidden drawer. It’s to the left of the sink.”
I wince in pain. And then don’t feel anything.
“To the left of the sink there’s a drawer. Open that, then open the one above it. There may not be batteries. I’m not sure.”
“Oh I see what you mean. I only see triple A’s though.”
I look Ryan and he’s staring at a wall sweetly.
“Tell him just to take the batteries out of the remote and use those.”
“Oh he just told me that’s what he did.”
I hang up. My doctor tells me it’s done.
She’s burned off the granulation tissue. This is extra tissue that formed during the healing process after giving birth. It contains nerves and causes a lot of pain- pain I have had to deal with for over 2 and a half months since giving birth. Pain I pushed through every day as I cared for my newborn and toddler and cried about each time it burned as I peed.
“Talk about super mom. Holding your baby while getting this done while talking to the sitter while coordinating with the AC guy. I am seriously impressed.” my doctor told me.
I wasn’t impressed with myself though. I was just in shock. Did I really just have granulation tissue removed while holding my baby while talking to a babysitter while problem solving how to find batteries for the AC guy?
This felt like a hyperbolic version of the stuff I do all the time. It was a next level messy juggling act that mothers do daily as we try to take care of our most basic needs while taking care of everyone else.
So it was done and here I was in the doctor’s office getting back into my wet clothes because they had been soaked on the walk over in the pouring rain. I put Ryan back in the carrier and off we went.
On the walk home the rain had cleared so I had a free hand to called my best friend to process it all. I also bought a giant Twix and housed it in two minutes.
Had that all really just happened?
One day I’ll write about this, I thought. One day soon.
But for now, back to my daughter and motherhood. Because moms don’t get a break.