In My Bones

I’m tired down to my bones.

I can feel it in the bags under my eyes, the way my brain works slowly. I can feel it when I can’t quite form the sentences I mean to say. I feel it when I forget to do the simple things- put the milk away, give the dog another scoop of food before he reminds me with a stare. I feel it when I have a moment to rest with my baby but am too tired to sleep and I write instead.

I’m in love down to my bones.

I can feel it when he smiles. I can feel it when he pushes strongly into his legs, wanting to stand and keep up with his sister, his head bobbling. I feel it when she rocks her dolls gently and says “shhh don’t worry you’re not a-yone.” I feel it when she hugs me out of nowhere or makes me laugh with a silly voice. Or when she makes her brother giggle just by talking to him.

I feel it in my bones- every day in ways big and small- love radiating through the fog of my exhaustion, lighting the way ahead. It’s the fuel that keeps me going, that kept my mom going, that kept her mom going.

And so here I am. Laying beside my son. Tired and in love. I can feel it in my bones.

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