A Deep Exhale

Yesterday Em and I had a busy and stressful (for me) day. We had a follow up appointment with an orthopedist concerning Em’s hips. Being that she was a frank breech baby she was born with a risk of having hip dysplasia. For that reason, she was given an ultrasound on her hips at 6 weeks old and 3 months old.

We had a bit of a scare about her hips when she was six weeks old which left me a bit traumatized. You can read the back story here.

Our appointment was way across town which meant trekking across the city in the cold. I felt tense but breathed deeply and Em handled it like a champ.

We got there a half hour early. I know people say once you have a kid you’re always late but I haven’t found that (yet). Being late for something makes me SO anxious that I’m usually ridiculously early, even with my baby. I’m not saying this is a good thing. It’s just what always happens!

Being so early made me panic a bit wondering what the heck we would do for a half hour; however, The Hospital for Special Surgery happens to be amazing and very child-friendly. 

There was a woman playing ukulele in the waiting area! She asked for requests and gave Em her own show. She sang Itsy Bitsy Spider and I’m a Little Teapot. Em was entranced and so was I. When she sang “You Are My Sunshine” and changed the words of the first verse to be happier (like I do) I cried.

We got called in early and met with the lovely doctor who said Em’s hips looked great but they would do an x-ray just to be sure. When I asked how safe an x-ray was he explained it would be the same amount of radiation as a plane ride to California. We did that plane ride with Em so using that analogy soothed my worries.

We went across the hallway to get her x-ray and Em said “hi!” to everyone we saw. The receptionist. The 10 year old boy wearing headphones and watching a show on his phone. The mom waiting with him. The technician who walked by. She also pulled out my ponytail, snuggled into me tight and kept kissing me. Did she know I was scared? I don’t know. But she made me feel better.

As for the x-ray, I consider it a miracle moment. She laid perfectly still as we sang the ABC’s. It was shockingly easy as pie!

In the end we got confirmation that Em’s hips are developing normally and we don’t need to go back. I’m more relieved that I can explain here. The only way I could describe it is that Em having hip problems has been weighing on me since I was pregnant and learned she was breech. Now it feels like that weight is released and I am ten pounds lighter.

When we got home, I was physically and emotionally SPENT. My back was killing me from wearing 21 pound Em in the carrier all afternoon. I rolled out my mat. I rolled out Em’s mat, and this video is what happened.

I just want to say I’m so grateful for my healthy, sweet, social, communicative girl. My heart explodes every single day and I’m a way better person because of her.

Happy First Birthday, Emily Rae!

I wrote this yesterday for my baby girl’s first birthday, and didn’t have a chance to post it since we had such a fun, beautiful day together. I’m officially the mama of a one year old!

 

Dear Emily,

One year ago you entered our lives. I heard it before- life changes completely when you have a baby. I never could have understood that though until we had you.

You have taught me so much. You have taught me to take each day moment by moment. To not fear change. To understand everything is actually ALWAYS changing. To find a deep strength and confidence I never knew was inside of me. Knowing that I grew you and gave birth to you makes me feel like the strongest person in the world.

I admire your friendliness and love of socializing and meeting new people. I admire your humor. I admire your presence and honesty; how you love to read books- but only the ones YOU want to read. I admire your warmth and cuddliness and big smiles. I admire your awareness and strength and wit.

Thank you for giggling and clapping for me when I do ballet for you. Thank you for laughing at my jokes. Thank you for practicing yoga with me. Thank you for always being game for a stroll and an adventure. Thank you for being nothing else but exactly who you are, and that person is someone I love truly, madly, deeply (as the 90’s band Savage Garden says).

Happy first birthday to our love! We will love you forever.

 sweet-emmy-rae

I heard you before I saw you.

Dear Emily,

I heard you before I saw you. It was the most beautiful sound. It told me you were here, and you were healthy. January 26, 2016. 10:26am. 6 pounds 8 ounces. 10 fingers and 10 toes. Happy birthday Emily Rae!

The truth is, it was scary on that operating table in that cold room, under the bright lights with so many doctors around. I felt completely exposed and intensely vulnerable, my arms spread open and my body numb. I had to be strong for you, little one. I knew I had to take care of me so I could take care of you. As you took your first breath, I focused on my breath, and I heard you cry.

Continue reading “I heard you before I saw you.”

My Breech Baby

I was blessed with an easy and smooth pregnancy until 28 weeks when I learned my baby girl was breech. While I knew that I still had plenty of time for her to turn, there was this nagging voice inside of me that knew she was comfortable the way she was positioned.

I refused to accept it. Fear set in. I had always envisioned a natural childbirth, and the thought that I may need a c-section if she didn’t flip was frightening to me. This just couldn’t be; this wasn’t what I wanted! So began my two-month journey of trying to get her to turn.

Continue reading “My Breech Baby”