There are so many of us.

In March, I learned I was pregnant, and at my first scan I learned it was with twins.

In April, I lost the babies.

Now I sit in my grief. Each day is a surprise. Sometimes I feel totally fine, and others I slip into despair. I wrote the following a few weeks after my D&C and wanted to share it here.

“I’ll never understand why they came to me to begin with- why they appeared as a possibility and the left, stopped.

I’ll never understand why I had to be alone that day when I learned it.

I’ll never understand why for only ten days, I had the privilege of feeling chosen. Being chosen to be a mommy to two souls born together.

Why the taste and then taking away?

Why the pain?

Why the loss?

Why the suffering?

I don’t know.

A comforting thought for me is that God isn’t a puppeteer who orchestrated this all. God cried first. Before I even knew.”

For anyone out there who has suffered a miscarriage, I sit in my grief with you. Please remember- you are NOT alone. There are so many of us.