August of last year I reached a crossroads. I was tired of struggling with depression and knew I had to make an active change. At the suggestion of my therapist at the time, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist to learn more about how medication may help rid me of the dark cloud that I couldn’t seem to escape out of on my own.
It just so happened that at this time I learned about Vedic meditation from Arden Martin. She described it as a simple meditation technique that required no effort and it sounded very appealing to me. I read up on the benefits of this Vedic meditation and got curious. Could it help me? So, the same week I met with the psychiatrist I also took a Vedic meditation course.
From the psychiatrist, I learned a lot about my options with medication. I felt comforted to know that I now had a doctor who knew my needs and whom I could contact if that was the route I wanted take. The following evening during my first Vedic meditation, I got in touch with an unfamiliar place inside myself that I can only describe as a nice warm hug.
I decided to experiment with daily meditation for a while and see where it went before pursuing medication. It has now been over a year and I can honestly say my meditation practice has changed my life.
I have risen out of the hole of depression and found a whole new perspective. On a (mostly) daily basis I dive into meditation and find that nice warm hug again and again. Not every meditation is blissful and some feel as if they go on forever, but if miss a day I crave it and always return back.
I don’t know what the future brings and I’m still open to the idea of medication if I need it. There’s no need to suffer and I think medication is a savior for so many people struggling with their mental health as I did. Today though, I reflect in gratitude about the meditation practice that changed my life.
Today I meditated in the chapel at my daughter’s school and these words came flooding through me. I share this all not to prove anything or preach anything but just to say, it IS possible to find light when you’re in the dark. And who knows, you may find that light right inside of you.
Today I did something I have not done in over two years; I went to see a movie by myself.
The last time I saw a movie by myself was when I was pregnant. I just love going to matinees alone. It’s such a treat! I can totally immerse myself within the movie and experience it fully. (Twizzlers and soda included.) As a movie-lover it’s one of my greatest escapes.
Today I had a babysitter for three hours and thought about what I should do. My first thought was go to Whole Foods, run some errands. Honestly that sounded pretty shitty to me.
So, on a whim I checked the showings for the movie theater around the corner and guess what? WONDERWOMAN was playing in 3D during the exact hours I had a sitter. DING DING DING! Winner winner chicken dinner. Whole Foods can wait!
I watched Wonderwoman today. I cried, I laughed, my whole body tingled. It was AMAZING. It was something I’ve never seen before. It was beautiful. It was fierce. It was a powerhouse of a movie.
And I thought… my daughter is growing up during a time when a bad ass woman is the hero, where a bad ass woman saves the world. Hell yes!
The first photo is my brother Chris and me on Halloween maybe 1988? As you can see, I’m Wonderwoman. And amazingly my mom saved that outfit. Emmy wears it now.
That little girl in the first picture could never have known that one day she’d have a daughter who grew up in a time where a woman saved the world; a world where a mama could take time for herself to watch it happen.
Today I got in a yoga practice and it felt so good. I was able to do this because of Emily’s fascination with shoes. You see, she spent most of this time off to the side trying to get on her sneaker!
She wasn’t the least bit frustrated or annoyed as she did this over and over again, even though she never actually got her sneaker on. She was just content to be in the moment practicing something. Isn’t it amazing how focused a child can be when exploring something they are interested in?
Emily reminded me of one of the Niyamas or observances in yoga called Santosha. Santosha means finding satisfaction in exactly who we are and where we are without wanting to change anything.
I am grateful that today we both got in a yoga practice. I got in my yoga through the poses (asana) and Emily got in her yoga by practicing her one-pointed focus (dharana) during her shoe-putting-on investigation!
Emily usually holds my hand and brings me with her as she wanders, but this past week she decided it was time to walk out on her own. She had the time of her life wandering around Riverside Park while Romeo (our dog) and I followed close behind. Her joy was infectious and my heart was exploding.
She is my most special teacher. Here are some lessons she has taught me.